Wands & Bows
by YuuShka
Summary: When Kili died, Tauriel couldn't bear to stay in Middle Earth. Seeing her pain, Thranduil helped her to get into a world free of shadows of past. For many years Tauriel lived in Forbidden forest, avoiding everyone, save for Hagrid and Minerva McGonagall, until she couldn't ignore the world she inhabited now anymore. Snippets and episodes from her life.
1. Chapter 1

"You were with Hagrid in Knockturn Alley three years ago! And with Firenze a year before that!" The boy exclaimed the moment three of them where moderately away from raging centaurs. Tauriel sighed. There was no point in denying it now.

"Yes, I was. And you two just led that rotten woman into a trap," she didn't make it a question, and apparently children didn't feel the need to answer, because the Granger countered with her own question. "Who are you?"

"I'm Hagrid's friend," she answered mildly, trying to skew from the real answer. The girl was having none of that, though.

"Yes, but who are you?"

The elf gave another long-suffering sigh. "I'm Tauriel. I live in the Forrest. Now you two tell me why you lead her here, and why she listened to you? I know you are not her favourite students."

"How?" Potter boy started, and the elf interrupts him. "I'm also Minerva's friend, and she tells me a great deal more than is strictly permitted. Now. Why are you here?"

Apparently telling them she is friend of two of their trusted teachers was a good move, because children ended up telling her everything, from Potter's vision during the exam, to their attempt to reach Black.

"Are you planning to going to Ministry on your own?" She exclaimed as soon as she understood.

"Yes," Potter answered.

"No," Granger answered at the same time. The boy turned to her immediately, Tauriel completely forgotten. "No?"

"Of course no, idiot, we are coming with you," a new voice spoke and another four children, two girls and two boys, appeared, and for next few minutes were spent in recounting the apparent fight with other Hogwarts students, and then on arguing whether Potter was going to storm the heart of British Magic on his own.

"There is no way any of you are going there," Tauriel sternly interrupted them. Everyone's heads turned to her, and there was a new wave of asking who she was. For a moment, the elf even felt overwhelmed, as she hadn't this much attention turned on her since her Mirkwood days. Yet, she went on. "You can't just storm there and save him, you, Potter, said yourself, Voldemort is torturing your godfather. This is a trap for you! He only wants to kill you."

"And so what?!" The boy exploded into a scream. "Should I just let him die?! Should I just stay here in safety with no way to inform anyone from the Order about Sirius?!"

"So, want it or not, but we are going," the ginger girl, Ginny Weasley, spoke.

"How are we going to do that?" another boy, Neville Longbottom, spoke.

"We will fly, of course," Luna Lovegood, the youngest of them all, answered dreamily, looking somewhere past Tauriel. The elf whirled on her heels, and saw a herd of thestrals.

"Of course," she whispered, petting the closest creature to her. And then she turned back to children, her blood already boiling with anticipation. Hadn't she done the same - went after another when it was an almost sure death for him? How could she in her right mind judge Potter? "I'm going with you. I won't let six teenagers go on their own. This is a very stupid plan. Almost as bad as going on a quest to reclaim a kingdom."

Of course, the joke was lost to them, so Tauriel just helped the Weasley boy climb on the animal he couldn't see. When she was sure everyone was securely on the thestrals, the Potter approached her. "Why the hell are you going with us? You don't know any of us, and this isn't safe."

So now he was thinking about safety. Even if it was not his own. So Tauriel put her hands on his shoulders and said:

"I am not going to let kids get killed in a stupid battle again. And there will be a battle, I can feel it. Now get on your thestral before I change my mind and lead all of you back to the castle."


	2. Chapter 2

When most of Order members left the meeting, and only Harry, Black and Tauiel stayed in the kitchen (Ron and Hermione leaving too, unwilling to be caught in the inevitable storm), the elder man turned to the elf.

"What is your problem with me?" He said, skin around his eyes strained. He was a handsome man, once, and it hurts Tauriel all the more. Unable to look at him, she stands up and goes to the small window.

"There is no problem," she bites out, watching people's unsuspecting feet walk right next to the hidden window.

"Then why are you defying my every word? Black is wrong this, Black is wrong that. What have I done to you?"

Tauriel doesn't answer, but her previously splayed hand curls into a tight fist over the wall. Then Harry speaks.

"Tauriel, you are my friend, and I'd really rather not have important to me people have bad blood."

Surprised chuckle leaves Tauriel's mouth before she can stop it, and she turns to Harry, smiling faintly. "No human teenager should be concerned about why adults are angry with each other" she says warmly. For a moment Harry looks like he's about to protest at being mollycoddled, but instead the boy asks: "So you do admit you're angry with Sirius?"

"Yes, do you admit you are angry with Sirius?" Black mimics his godson, and for a moment he sounds just like Kili teasing his brother that it makes Tauriel's blood boil with half-buried grief and anger. She sharply turns to the man.

"You want to know what is my problem with you?" She hisses, and apparently her rage shows, because Sirius is sitting up, leaning forward on the table, no longer slouching in his chair. She takes in his old clothes, his stubble, and black hair in a low ponytail, and instead of him she sees entirely other face. "You are alive!" She all but shouts, and both Harry's and Black's face are slacked with confusion, but the red-head doesn't stop. "You are alive! You were fighting with that witch, and all it took to prevent your death was one dagger! One! In a world, in a fight, where something as simple as a knife shouldn't be enough! And yet, I stopped your death!"

She buries her left hand into her hair, roughly tagging it. She must seem half crazy to them, but she doesn't care. She no longer sees them, she is back to Ravenhill lying on frozen stone, watching Bolg shake Kili like a puppet. "It was a simple fight, it was a fight, no magic, just simple violence! I was captain of King's guard, how could I ever let-" She chocked on a sob, and starts pacing. "And that orc, Bolg, he- he- It should've been easy, to cut his throat open, to ram a sword into his skull! But instead, I, I was powerless, I could only watch him impale his spear into Kili like he was nothing! Like Kili was just a, just a sack of flour! Why did I save you, but failed then? Why Kili deserved to die when you get to live? What makes you better then him?" Tauriel stops and looks right into Black's shocked eyes. "Why wasn't I enough then?"

The silence that falls is ringing, Tauriel is panting from re-opened wounds, Black is pale, and Harry is looking at her like he's seeing her for the first time. Then Black's face hardens and he slowly gets up, chair legs scrapping loudly on the wooden floor. Tauriel watches him with a certain disinterest, all the while feeling like a great burden has been lifted from her shoulders. But then Black speaks.

"So you wish somebody else was alive instead of me, do I understand right?" He says it so calmly, so matter of fact, that for a moment Tauriel feels ashamed. But she just blinks, staring right into his eyes. But the wizard doesn't seem to mind her silence, because he continues. "That's okay. That, in fact, makes two of us. I, too, wish someone else lived instead of me."

Harry looks sharply from Tauriel to Sirius, opening his mouth as if to say something, but suddenly Black is jamming his finger into the boy's direction and his voice rises as he starts talking to Tauriel. "Do you think that there is a single day when I don't wish it was me who died that night? Do you think I don't wish it was James who lived to see his son grow up, instead of me, a failure of a godfather who landed himself into Azkaban?!"

"Sirius-" Harry attempts to interrupt his godfather, but Black just steps past him, stepping closer to Tauriel. And Tauriel can see grief and pain and guilt in his eyes, and suddenly she feels awful for ever being angry at this man.

"I spent twelve years in Azkaban and look how it turned out for Harry. He certainly deserves a better father figure than me," his voice is quiet and so guilt-ridden, so pained. Tauriel doesn't know what to say, so she whispers. "Kili wasn't much older than Harry. He didn't belong in the battle," and it comes out as an apology, a plea to be forgiven. But Sirius nods, and his face becomes as pained as his voice. He turns away, and speaks evenly. "Just know, that I'd give my life for-"

"Stop it!" Tauriel flinches a step back. She totally forgot about Harry, and now when she thinks about it, this conversation must have been awful for him. One look confirms her fear, because Harry looks angry and dishevelled, and so very afraid. Teenager steps between her and Black, and after one unsure look at her, turns his full attention to the other man. "My father is dead, but you are here. So what that you hadn't been for twelve years? You are here now." He says it with such conviction and emotion, that suddenly the elf feels like she is intruding. So she quietly steps back, giving more space to the other two. She doesn't listen to Black's reply, but she sees that when he pulls Harry into embrace, it is obviously more for his own sake, than the boy's, if his raged breathing is anything to go by. She hears murmurs of "I'm not going anywhere", and finally she knows what she must say.

"I was wrong in my judgment," she says loudly, and both Black and Harry look up at her. "The wound Kili left never healed, and I couldn't see you, Sirius, without being jealous. I'm sorry for my words, and I'm sorry I caused such distress for both of you."

Harry's look is hard, assessing, as if he's not sure if he wants to forgive her, but after a moment he nods and turns back to his godfather. "Thank you," the older wizard whispers, and envelops Harry in a hug again.

When Tauriel exits the kitchen, she realizes her jealousy isn't gone, but there's no trace of bitterness and anger anymore. The elven woman walks past Mrs. Black's portrait into the sitting room, where most of Weasleys and Hermione are, and smiles faintly to Ron and Hermione, who seem to have been waiting for her.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dead of night when the doorbell in Grimmauld Place, 12, rang, waking up portrait of Walburga Black. Sirius and Tauriel both grabbed their weapons of choice: a wand for Sirius, and a curved dagger for Tauriel.

No one would ever come to this house so late at night.

Or early in the morning, depending on your point of view.

The ringing persisted.

The elf and human ran down the stairs, not bothering with the screaming portrait. Tauriel pressed her back to the wall next to the door, dagger clutched tightly in her fist, ready to strike the offender. She nodded to Sirius, and the man opened the door, pointing his wand into the intruder's face. Tauriel saw how his expression slackened with surprise.

"Harry?!"

The elf was surprised too and stuck her head around the doorframe, and indeed, there stood Harry, his hair damp from the falling snow, half-turned to the street.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. The plan was that Harry had to spend Christmass break in Dursley's household. As much as no one liked it, it did give Harry additional protection, so that it'd be harder for Voldemort to trek the boy down even beyond the walls of Privet Drive AND Hogwarts.

The boy scowled and made to enter the house.

"Not so fast," Black drew his wand higher. "How we met?"

Now Harry's scowl could rival to late Thorin Oakenshield's. "You mean that time when you scared the living shit out of me in Little Winging, or when you broke Ron's leg?"

"Alright," Sirius visibly relaxed and stepped aside. Harry quickly crossed the threshold and, dumping his trunk by the troll leg umbrella stand, all but ran in the direction of kitchen, leaving wet boot-shaped traces behind.

Tauriel and Sirius exchanged a look, to which Sirius just shrugged, and waved his wand, making his mother shut up.

When they entered the kitchen, Harry has already taken off his jacket, and was now standing by the fireplace. He was wearing the old Dudley's clothes, hand-me-downs that he was always forced to wear at his aunt's. Thankfully, the boy owned some fitting clothes that didn't make him look smaller and homeless. Sirius saw to that.

But right now Harry was in those too big baggy clothes, and having just arrived at 4 a.m.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, well, seriously.

"I am not coming back there," came a cold reply. "Whatever Dumbledore says, I'm not coming there. I don't care about blood magic."

Tauriel bit her lower lip. Something was definitely wrong here. It was no secret that Harry's family life was less than ideal, and given the tails of stories she had heard, Tauriel was quiet sure that no child should be allowed near Petunia and Vernon.

"Harry," Sirius began, but the Potter interrupted him. He still hadn't turned to them.

"So uncle Vernon started insulting my parents again during supper. Nothing I never heard before, but then he moved to you," he gave a hollow laugh. "Started talking like you're a liability, like you can't do anything, that you should have stayed in prison to rot. I told him to shut up. We started to shout at each other. And aunt Petunia just sat there, like nothing was happening, Nothing at all! And then-," Harry made a pause. "He struck me."

Sirius sucked in breath.

"This.. hadn't happen in a long time," Harry carried on, unaware of Sirius mouthing 'in a long time'. "Dudley, I never thought that he'd do this, but when uncle was going to punch me the second time, he stopped him. He stood between us, and told me to get away. So I did. I took my things, and ran from that damned house. I'm not going back. Sod them."

He finally turned to them, angry and shaken. Due to the poor light in the hall earlier, Tauriel didn't see a bruising welt on the boy's left cheekbone before.

"You are right, you are not going there," Sirius next to her proclaimed, and strode to hug his godson (son, really, in all but blood). For a moment Harry looked like he wasn't going to allow physical contact, not that Tauriel could blame him, but then he gladly wrapped arms around Sirius.

For a moment Tauriel felt a pang of guilt for those words she said back in summer. How could she ever blame Sirius for surviving? It was obvious, that without him the boy would drift, like a lost leaf in the water.

Then Harry let go of Sirius. Black patted him on the shoulder. "Alright," for a moment he just watched Harry. "Alright. Sit down. I'll find you some butterbear. We are bound to have something weaker than firewhisky..."

Black strode off to the cupboards, and the red-head saw his hands were shaking slightly. Harry seemed pretty shaken as well. Speaking of Harry. Tauriel strode to him, and gently, but firmly took his face into her hands, tilting it up. The bruise was already dark, and way too close to temple. "He could have knocked you out," she said quietly. Sirius swore quietly behind them. She ignored him in favour of peering into Harry's eyes. "And you are concussed. How did you get here?"

"By muggle transport," he grumbled. "It took me a while to wait to the 11 pm London bus."

"Why didn't you take that infamous Knight Bus?"

Harry frowned in confusion and his cheeks slightly coloured. "It never occurred to me, really."

He really is concussed, Tauriel thought, and felt her blood boil. No elf would ever treat a child, even a dwarvish, one like that. There were few cases of abuse known to elven society, but the child was always removed to a better home, and parents often spent their lives in cells, or were sent of to patrol duty in far off parts of Mirkwood.

That is what happened to Tauriel's own parents: sent off to southern part of forest, died in a fight with too many spiders. Thranduil wasn't even upset with loss of two more elves when the news came, though he did spend next week consoling young Tauriel, who still hoped for... Now, Tauriel didn't even know what she could have possibly hope for then. She certainly would send Durselys to southern parts of Mirkwood now.

Instead, she brushed Harry's bruise carefully with her fingertips. "Better?" She asked and Harry nodded vigorously. "How-?"

"I took the edge off, but I left the bruise. When Dumbledore sees it, he won't dare to send you there," the elf explained, and then, impulsively, kissed the top of Harry's head.

"Here's butterbear," Black dropped three bottles on the table, and set into a chair next to Harry. Tauriel drew another chair with her leg, and dropped into it, on Harry's other side.

For a while they set quietly, just drinking their beers, until Harry spoke.

"Tauriel, why are you wearing Sirius's bathrobe?"

Both adults choked on their drinks.


End file.
